It is difficult to approach feedback as an objective communication of the reflection you have on others, or even on yourself. We are quite defensive when receiving feedback, especially when it is a critique. Nonetheless, we know that the imperfection is a universal trait. To be human is to be imperfect. We are made of our weaknesses and mistakes as much as we are made of our successes and strenghts.
Where is the fear of acknowledging the mistakes come from? One reason is the fear of judgement. This fear is rooted in our evolutionary past, where being ostracized from the group could have dire consequences. In the modern context, while the stakes may not be life and death, the fear remains potent. We are conditioned to seek approval and fear rejection, making the prospect of exposing our flaws deeply unsettling.
Moreover, social constructs of success and achievement exacerbate this fear. From a young age, kids are bombarded with messages that equate success with perfection. The archetypal stories of heroes and winners that dominate our culture rarely leave room for error or vulnerability. These narratives can create an internalized belief that to be accepted and valued, one must be without flaw. Yet, this pursuit of perfection is at odds with the reality of human nature. The inability to reconcile this can lead to a range of negative outcomes, from the denial of one’s own shortcomings to the harsh judgment of others.
How can we overcome the fear of getting feedback? A recent article I read mentions the “exposure training” as a terminology. By a delibarate exposure to the discomfort of having flows, we can learn to be desensitized to the fear of judgement. Over time, the sting of criticism can lessen, allowing for a more rational and constructive engagement with feedback.
By stripping away the emotional reaction to criticism, you are making an objective usage of the insights you receive from the individuals. You start to see the feedback as valuable information. As Carol Dweck put it in his work about growth mindset, abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. To harness the full potential of feedback, it is vital to cultivate the skills necessary to give and receive it effectively. Giving feedback in a way that is constructive, specific, and focused on behavior rather than personal attributes can reduce the recipient’s defensiveness. Receiving feedback with openness and the intent to understand rather than to respond allows for a more meaningful engagement with the information provided.
In practice, it is all about an open and honest environment we should be in. In such environments individuals encourage individuals to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them without fear of harsh judgment.